A Guide to Surviving the Office Christmas Party

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First of all, we’d like you to remember that whatever you did last night is not your fault. It’s your boss’ fault.

Your boss provided a party. He provided a party with alcohol. It was your job to enjoy said party and consume the alcohol. You were merely fulfilling a job description. Anyone who was sober enough to remember what you were doing and start criticising you for it should be reported immediately to their superiors for not giving the evening their full participation and support. And, for being really, really boring.

Having said that, if you were really badly behaved it’s entirely possible that you might be in for a bit of stick at the office today. Lie still under the duvet for a moment while we guide you through how to deal with everything.

What Happened?

The first thing you must do is assess the damage. Look around.  Can you gauge any clues from your immediate surroundings? Are you in a skip? Are you on an operating table? Do you recognise that ceiling?

If you’re at home, well done. Look next to you. Is there anyone lying there? Look under the duvet. Is there anyone under there? If there is then maybe they can throw some light on things.

What to Worry About

The following are bad things at parties:

•    Inappropriate bodily emissions in an inappropriate place.
•    Indecent exposure. This is also bad (unless you’re exceptionally well-endowed and/or you’ve just invested in major cosmetic surgery).
•    Arson isn’t clever, either.
•    If there is someone under the duvet and they are the boss’s wife/husband that could be an issue too. If the boss is in there with you, however, then happy days. You are in for a pay rise. If you are in bed with your boss and his wife make it a large pay rise.

Physical Damage

Get up and look in the mirror. Is there any physical damage which will need disguising with clever accessories?
Your Return to the Office

Do not pull a sickie. It just delays everything. Your strategy should be to get in early, control the rumours and, if possible, try and find someone who was worse than yourself so you can all start talking about them instead.
Your one white hope is that perhaps everyone else was too drunk to remember it. You will know within three seconds of pushing open the office door whether this is the case.

If you are responsible for any embarrassing stains or spills on other people’s clothes we recommend an immediate and fulsome apology together with an offer to dry-clean. Don’t be offended if they come back with an angry ultimatum that you should also book into a clinic and dry out.

Move the conversation quickly on to someone else. If you were the worst-behaved person at the party simply make up something about someone who isn’t in the office yet. Suggesting a lesbian liaison is always a good one – pick the two prettiest girls in the office and people will soon forget about what you did.

Checklist

  • Go for sympathy. Mumble the following: ‘I’m so sorry. I was on medication and I shouldn’t have mixed it with alcohol. I tried not to.’
  • Claim you’d had bad news and were self-medicating with alcohol.
  • Nobody will believe you if you say your drink was spiked.
  • Cheer up. At least you’re not pregnant.
  • Might you be? The morning-after pill still works after seventy-two hours.

The main thing about partying mishaps is that everybody goes through them at some point. Forgive yourself. We’ve all been there.

Remember that you’ll only be a figure of fun until it’s the next person’s turn to disgrace themselves. See if anyone in the office is up for a hair of the dog at lunchtime and hopefully you’ll get the office gossip moved on to them instead.

Excerpted from the Little, Brown Book Group website (littlebrown.co.uk)

For some fun visuals, Click here:

http://www.scribd.com/fullscreen/75472646?access_key=key-qwpo996h46zs3rw0169

Your Customers’ Comments on Social Media: Listen, Respond & Learn

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Did you know that “56% of customer tweets to companies are being ignored.”?(source: AllTwitter) That’s scary.  One of the most functional aspects of social media platforms is their ability to provide you with insight pertaining to how your business is perceived by others.  Why would anyone want to ignore that?  More to the point, what’s the purpose of putting together and maintaining a social presence for your business if you’re not going to pay attention and use it to your advantage?  And yes, that includes reading and responding to customer comments, inquiries and most especially, complaints.

how to handle negative comments

No one takes particularly well to negative criticism and complaining.  And if you want to keep your head buried in the sand and not know what people are really thinking, then perhaps networking your business via social platforms isn’t for you!  But, why not look at it this way:  Every negative comment, complaint and criticism you receive is an opportunity to glean valuable information and to implement positive change.  Feedback, whether positive or negative, is never a bad thing.

How to Respond to Negative Comments & Criticism

Let’s identify the different types of negative comments & deal with them accordingly:

  1. If a comment is negative but polite and offers some constructive criticism and/or suggestions as to how to remedy the issue at hand, that’s great!  Take into serious consideration what the poster is telling you and decide if it makes sense for your business.  Respond by thanking the poster for bringing the issue to your attention and for his suggestions, and validate him by letting him know that you will take said suggestions under advisement.
  1. If a comment is negative and carries an irate tone and the poster is lodging more of a complaint than criticism, again, you want to validate his feelings. Placate him. Start by letting him know that you’re sorry to hear of his less than satisfactory interaction with your business and that you appreciate his forthrightness.  Let him know that you value his business and that you’ll do what’s called for to remedy the issue.  It warranted, offer him an incentive to ensure that he remains a faithful customer (a partial rebate, service free of charge next time, etc.).  He’ll appreciate this, be satisfied and will likely want to spread the word that yours is a wonderful company to deal with!  Customer service at its finest.
  1. If a comment is negative, unconstructive, deprecating and/or rude, things can get a little dicier.  While you want to try to keep your customers happy, you in no way have to be subjected to rudeness and insensitivity.  You have two options in this case, and either one would be justifiable.

First, you could simply delete the comment and ignore it.  Again, it’s written nowhere that you have to put up with someone else’s bad behavior.  (And, although it might be tempting, whatever you do, don’t respond in kind by letting him know what an @$#%!@#% he is.  I posted a few months back on how to NOT respond to customer complaints.)

The other option is for you to try to deal with this Neanderthal as you would the poster in point #2 above.  Try to placate him and let him know that you’re sorry that his dealings with your business were less than satisfactory.  You just might be able to calm the savage beast, but often, people like that are not to be satisfied no matter what you do.  In fact, more often than not, these people just want to get something for nothing, or simply love to stir up trouble. Bear in mind also, that this poster could be a competitor just trying to play hardball with you.

If, however, there is some merit to the poster’s outrage (someone in your organization made a real blunder), it might be worth investigating.  Only you can know and decide for sure if there might be something behind a poster’s emotional outcry.  If there is a serious internal problem (and I’m not saying that the poster is any more justified in being rude if that’s the case) it might be just as well that it was brought to your attention, even if it was in such a negative manner.

The moral of the story is that it’s never okay to ignore your customers on social media sites.  If you do, you might just wind up not having any customers to ignore!